I just had a breakdown or was it a break~through?! I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN network and Oprah is talking with Brene' Brown (best-selling author) and they are talking about being vulnerable. Brene' Brown said the most vulnerable time for most people is initiating intimacy with their partner and BAM! I started crying. I turned to Phil and said, with tears flowing down my face, "That is so hard for me ~ being vulnerable during sex." He knew why and I knew why. I was sexually abused at a very young age and it continued for many years. Before then...I was vulnerable ~ I was innocent and then ... that ALL ended. So now...I never want to be vulnerable especially during intimacy. I just cried for the first time about 'this'....for the first time I mourned the death of that facet of my innocence....my vulnerability. I don't know if I will ever be able to be vulnerable again, especially during intimacy, but I would love to think I could, because only then can we let go ~ take off the mask and truly experience love ~ without walls. Maybe this is my first step at being vulnerable, sharing this 'secret'. Maybe someday I can be brave, in this area, and be "Daring Greatly" ~ I leave with you this quote from Theodore Roosevelt;
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Daring Greatly
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I just had a breakdown or was it a break~through?! I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN network and Oprah is talking with Brene' Brown (best-selling author) and they are talking about being vulnerable. Brene' Brown said the most vulnerable time for most people is initiating intimacy with their partner and BAM! I started crying. I turned to Phil and said, with tears flowing down my face, "That is so hard for me ~ being vulnerable during sex." He knew why and I knew why. I was sexually abused at a very young age and it continued for many years. Before then...I was vulnerable ~ I was innocent and then ... that ALL ended. So now...I never want to be vulnerable especially during intimacy. I just cried for the first time about 'this'....for the first time I mourned the death of that facet of my innocence....my vulnerability. I don't know if I will ever be able to be vulnerable again, especially during intimacy, but I would love to think I could, because only then can we let go ~ take off the mask and truly experience love ~ without walls. Maybe this is my first step at being vulnerable, sharing this 'secret'. Maybe someday I can be brave, in this area, and be "Daring Greatly" ~ I leave with you this quote from Theodore Roosevelt;
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
I just had a breakdown or was it a break~through?! I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN network and Oprah is talking with Brene' Brown (best-selling author) and they are talking about being vulnerable. Brene' Brown said the most vulnerable time for most people is initiating intimacy with their partner and BAM! I started crying. I turned to Phil and said, with tears flowing down my face, "That is so hard for me ~ being vulnerable during sex." He knew why and I knew why. I was sexually abused at a very young age and it continued for many years. Before then...I was vulnerable ~ I was innocent and then ... that ALL ended. So now...I never want to be vulnerable especially during intimacy. I just cried for the first time about 'this'....for the first time I mourned the death of that facet of my innocence....my vulnerability. I don't know if I will ever be able to be vulnerable again, especially during intimacy, but I would love to think I could, because only then can we let go ~ take off the mask and truly experience love ~ without walls. Maybe this is my first step at being vulnerable, sharing this 'secret'. Maybe someday I can be brave, in this area, and be "Daring Greatly" ~ I leave with you this quote from Theodore Roosevelt;
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
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