Daring Greatly

.. I just had a breakdown or was it a break~through?! I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN network and Oprah is talking with Brene' Brown (best-selling author) and they are talking about being vulnerable. Brene' Brown said the most vulnerable time for most people is initiating intimacy with their partner and BAM! I started crying. I turned to Phil and said, with tears flowing down my face, "That is so hard for me ~ being vulnerable during sex." He knew why and I knew why. I was sexually abused at a very young age and it continued for many years. Before then...I was vulnerable ~ I was innocent and then ... that ALL ended. So now...I never want to be vulnerable especially during intimacy. I just cried for the first time about 'this'....for the first time I mourned the death of that facet of my innocence....my vulnerability. I don't know if I will ever be able to be vulnerable again, especially during intimacy, but I would love to think I could, because only then can we let go ~ take off the mask and truly experience love ~ without walls. Maybe this is my first step at being vulnerable, sharing this 'secret'. Maybe someday I can be brave, in this area, and be "Daring Greatly" ~ I leave with you this quote from Theodore Roosevelt; “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

"The Doldrum Winds"

We all get the doldrums now and then. Enlightened Souls sometimes experience the doldrums more often than others because conscious people can easily pick up on the feelings of those around them, which can sometimes leave them feeling a little flat or down. They are usually, from birth, highly sensitive souls who get labeled by society as ‘drama’. But as Shakespeare so eloquently penned the phrase; All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts. Conscious people have learned to surrender to a ‘feeling’ or an ‘emotion’ without labeling ‘it’ ~ good or bad. They do not resist the doldrum winds but instead allow them to fill their sails and propel them towards their destination. The difference between those who have awakened and those who sleep is ~ the awakened one sees life and all of its trappings as a comedy while others view it as a tragedy.

We Are All So Beautifully Flawed....

"The thought of lack does not enter our minds until we place ourselves against the canvas of comparison." That statement renders a question; Is this what the bible was referring to in the scripture where it reads, "Let each one examine his own work. Then he can take pride in himself and not compare himself with someone else."? I have found when I am alone, with no outside influence such as magazines, TV, FB and the such, I am very content with myself. The many imperfections that I usually see in myself, most of which are on a physical level, disappear and I am, in my own eyes, beautiful ~ scars and all. Now, I know some readers will speculate, "Who does she think she is?", but I really don't care. You see that is our universal crux ~ We care too much what others think and are constantly taking in an illusion of perfection, usually physical, that we can never attain because it simply does not exist. Of course, we all have imperfections that we want to change but the real question is why? Why do we have this need to be perfect and what is perfect anyway? Let's take a look at the definition of perfection; Perfection: the quality or state of being perfect: as a:freedom from fault or defect: FLAWLESSNESS! ~ Merriam-Webster dictionary. According to Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia, perfection is, broadly, a state of completeness and flawlessness. That definition was very interesting to me because I think that our quest for perfection is actually a quest for wholeness. Our flaws are like cracks in a beautiful vase. At one time, in the beginning, we were perfect, we were whole and we are always longing to return to that whence we came. So, although it may be our instincts driving us towards 'wholeness ~ that 'Shalom' realm, where nothing is broken ~ Nothing is missing ~ the route we are taking is sorely misguided. We are perceiving through the 'looking glass' our current condition and what you see is not always what you get and certainly is NOT who you are. Remember, you are a soul having human experience and you are already perfect. You are here to remember that! A friend told me a story recently that touched me to my very core and lit a fire within me ~ so I know it is true! She said, "You know we knew everything when we were born and we are here to simply remember", She then proceeded to tell me, "You know that dimple right above your upper lip?" and I replied, "Yes", she then motioned towards me and touched my upper lip, right at that dimple and said, "Before each baby is sent to Earth from Heaven God touches that spot above our upper lip and says, "Shoo ~ don't tell", thereby leaving His imprint forever on our lips. I am here to remind you ~ in a still small voice ~ You are beautiful...already ~ You are worthy...already and yes... You are so utterly beautifully flawed...already. You are the alabaster bottle that was broken so your beautiful fragrance could be poured over all of humanity. My hope is that you will awaken from the dream and 'To thine Own-self Be True" and see, maybe for the first time, how absolutely wonderfully beautiful you really are. As always, Shalom, God Bless YOU and Namaste' Baby! The Dalai Mama, Sugarbutt & occasionally Aleece Walz

The Story We Tell Ourselves................................

I changed the story that I told myself about my life and for some time I felt like the biggest liar in the world, even though I was only lying to myself, it felt wrong. What I did not realize is…I wasn’t lying, I was simply changing the rules of the game…yes, this life we live is a game! There is a line in one of my favorite songs “In the Arms of an Angel”, and it reads “Sometimes we lie to make up for all that we lack”, and boy is that ever true. I do not care how perfect we look from the outside, we are all lacking something on the inside! Lying is an art form that I have never been that talented in and could never quite embrace. I am a truth seeker and teller, to a fault! With age, comes wisdom, hopefully and you learn to hold your tongue and not speak everything you see, feel and think. But what I have learned is whether consciously or not…we ALL lie to ourselves in one way or another. Recently, in my mid-forties, ouch!, I have been going through, let’s say a mid-life evolution, I despise the term mid-life crisis because I don’t believe that we are in a crisis! Go to some third world country and you’ll see a crisis but not here in the Bible Belt. The biggest crisis we have going on here is judgmental homophobes scared to death that marriage equality is going to destroy their marriage and America as we know it ~ We can only hope and pray right?! Just a tid-bit here of wisdom and knowledge ~ you never lose when you GIVE!!! Anyway, back to my mid-forties evolution. I found myself, like many in their forties, in a funk. I felt like I was on that game show Jeopardy…saying, “I’ll take ‘What the Hell have I done with my Life’ for $1000 Alex?! You start to examine your accomplishments or the lack there of. I, myself, being a mother of three and a wife/mother/mentor of one, had lost myself. The once vibrant Janis Joplin persona I embodied so well had all but disappeared. Where was she? She was knee deep in loads of laundry and spaghetti! Also I noticed, in my mid-forties, I started to crackle and pop, like a bowl of Rice Crispies, and what once was music to my ears in my youth, made me feel old and over the hill. You know that whole concept of ‘Over the Hill’ is wrong! We should embrace being ‘Over the Hill’, that simply means the arduous climb is over and now, like a little kid, we can just roll down the other side ~ lest were are too fearful that we might break something! Anyway, I woke up one day and out of nowhere my right shoulder is killing me! I take a couple of Advil and go on with my daily chores and obligations. About six months later, around Thankgiving, I lose total use of my right arm. Now, I failed to mention earlier, that I have played the guitar my whole life and now with this ‘gimpie fin’ I can no longer play anything! Not surprisingly, I fell into a deep depression….well more like a, ‘Whoa is me digression’! I sought the help of a chiropractor who about killed me, but he was oh so cute! Finally, I went and got a MRI and found out that I had a tear in my rotator cup. Ouch!!! With a few shots and therapy, not that kind of therapy, although I have embraced that also many years ago, I was on the mend. I still could not reach my right arm around my acoustic guitar without tremendous pain, so I decided that I would buy myself a slim line electric guitar and of course, I would need an amp to go along with that new guitar. Long story short, I bought the most beautiful red electric guitar, upped the ante and bought a whole PA system which then led into a friend of mine wanting me to try it all out at his winery. That gig at the winery led to another gig and there I was… in my mid-forties…gimpie fin and all…doing what I did in my twenties just to pay the rent…. I was doing what I loved... what I was made to do! You never know why you get injured….why life seems so unfair sometimes…why you are dealt the hand that nobody wants…but sometimes the lies we tell ourselves are actually beautiful dreams from our subconscious…stories yet lived and possibilities planted…yet to be harvested. Sometimes the thorn in your side is the only opening for God to get in and your light to shine out. I have taken the road less traveled and it has make all the difference in the world ~ join me?!

What is the song of your Soul ~ the melody of your Life?

If today you are finding yourself in a funk, a little lost, then you are not alone. Whenever I start feeling somewhat out of sorts I have learned to question my thoughts. What am I thinking about that is causing me to feel a little down in the dumps. What we think about on a daily basis determines who we become and how our life plays out. WE write the script for the story of our lives. What we sometimes fail to notice is that what we 'choose' to focus on, think about and visialize often becomes our reality. As a man thinketh so he is. We are ALL on some frequency in our lives today. Frequencies are basically the energy you are giving out and receiving back. You always receive back what you put out into the world. Like a boom-a-rang everything comes full circle. Like attracts like. Misery loves company and so forth. You attract people, places, things and events into your life according to what frequency you abide on. Thoughts are energy and send out a signal to the Universe ~ this is what I want! If you are negative that’s what you attract. Loving – that’s what you attract. The good news is ~ we can always change frequencies just like you can change the channel on the TV or radio. If you don't like the show ~ change the damn channel! We should never get stuck on one frequency ~ move around ~ find your groove ~ always staying flexible enough to ebb and flow like the ocean. If you stay in one place too long ~ you become stagnant ~ stinky! Frequencies ~ too me ~ are like the strings on my guitar ~ if you always strum the same chord you can never complete the song ~ the melody of your life. As always…..God Bless you (may the sun always rise to meet you), Shalom (nothing broken or missing in your life) and Namaste’ (the light in me, honors the light in you).

The Love Chapter

This month I started reading the 'Love' Chapter, 1st Cor. Ch. 13 in the Bible, on a daily basis. I always thought the 'Love' chapter was about teaching us to love one another, and it is, but while reading it this morning I had an epiphany. The 'Love' chapter, first and foremost is about learning to love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves we cannot love others, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Most of us are broken vessels, scarred from our past, but if we are filled with Love, than that it what will flow out of our brokenness. This is what I got (I believe from God) while reading this scripture this morning. Read the following as it is written and then go back and read only what is in the parenthesis. As always, God Bless, Shalom & Namaste' Baby! "Love is patient (Be patient with yourself), love is kind (Be kind to yourself). It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (Be content with what you have). It is not rude (speak kindly to yourself), it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered (stop hating yourself), it keeps no records of wrongs (for things you have done in the past). Love does not delight in evil (never let yourself be misused or abused) but rejoices with the truth (for you were fearfully and wonderfully made). It always protects (accept only the very BEST for yourself whether it be food, friends or fun) always trust (know that you are always on HIS mind) always hopes (your latter years will be brighter than your former days) always perseveres (Never, I mean Never give up on you!). Love never fails (God is Love and he will NEVER Fail you!)

I am in the midst of reading 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz and the first agreement is this; BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD ~ Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. In reading this 'first agreement' the writer makes the comparison of our minds are like computers and gossip is likened to a computer virus. It came to me while reading this that whenever we take something in that is not of God, i.e. gossip, emotional pain and such, that it makes us sick. We get so sick and desire to get rid of this virus and feel better that we 'throw it up'! Essentially, we feel a deep need to get this sickness out and the only way to get it out is to repeat the gossip we took in. We spread the virus by repeating the gossip or hurting someone in the way we were hurt, i.e. the quote "Hurt people, Hurt people." Gossip is the cheapest form of entertainment but also the deadliest. Gossip and such come from a dark place and since we are 'inherently' lightness when we take in something 'dark' we get sick ~ it doesn't mix well with who we really are. The more darkness we let in the more chaotic and confused we become and the more fertile the soil of our minds become to receive the seed of deception. Are once clear mind of what is 'right or wrong' or better yet 'what serves us and what does not' becomes clouded and just like a computer virus affects your computer to no longer work in the manner it was 'created' to operate, so it is with our mind ~ "As a man thinketh, so he is." Thoughts do become THINGS! So negative thoughts, if let in, lead to negative frame of mind and eventual a negative individual. But you see, we truly are NOT individual. We are ALL connected. We are ALL daughters and sons of our Father and what we think and what we do does affect those around us. There is a scripture in the bible, in Mark 4 that speaks of the word and in this case it is referring to God's word, being dropped on different surfaces and what the affect it has depends on where the word landed. The scripture reads; "Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. 2 He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: 3 “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.” It came to me, that whether we receive or dispel negative or positive 'words', these 'seeds' can only produce a harvest if they land on fertile soil. You have to be open to gossip to let gossip in. There is an old saying that an old wise woman told me once, she said, "Aleece, if a dog brings you a bone, he will surely take one back, meaning that if they will gossip to you they will gossip about you. Hey, we are all guilty, at one time or another, of gossiping. He who is without sin, cast the first stone right?! But when we know better we should do better. I have learned that we attract into our lives what 'we' are. I do not attract the same people as say I did 20 years ago because I am not the same person that I was 20 years ago. If you are not a gossiper than when someone calls you to whisper in your ear something about another you will turn away from this person and not desire to associate with them. It doesn't mean they are bad, it just means that your mind is no longer fertile soil for that junk. Now that we are in the New Year, everyone and their brother are on some diet so that they may change the way they look, change their 'outer man' but what if we focused not only on what goes into our mouths, but what comes out? Let us not be 'white washed tombs that are beautiful on the outside but full of rotting bones on the inside', and yes, I'm paraphrasing a verse from the bible. Most people gossip so they can 'feel' right! That only indicates that they must 'feel' wrong on the inside. What is without ~ so is within." Don't be a 'right fighter' ~ believe me, it is highly over-rated! Choose today to be impeccable with your words and sit back and observe what you draw into your life. Pay careful attention to what 'words ~ 'seeds' you deposit in your children's fertile soil ~ 'minds' ~ You are shaping their views of the world around them and you are teaching them how to treat others. Teach them first to love themselves ~ "Love thy neighbor as thyself." If you don't love yourself you cannot love others. What we do to others we've already done to ourselves. It reminds me of that famous line in the movie "The Color of Purple" where Ms. Celia says to her abusive husband, "What you done to me ~ already been done to you." So, as you start your day, say something loving to yourself, deposit good into your mind and I promise you the goodness you have taken in will flow out of your mouth and bless another. We can only give what we possess. Here is wishing all of you love, light, peace and happiness today and always. Namaste, God Bless & Shalom Baby! The Dalai Mama, a.k.a. Sugarbutt, or just Aleece!